The Cafeteria Lady

She hates me. I don’t know what I did to her. I try to respect my elders, even if they are miserable bags of hot air. But this lady is going to make me forget that I’m saved. She’s extremely intimidating as most cafeteria ladies are. Large, round and brown. She has the thickets and longest Tammy Faye baker (RIP) eyelashes one has ever seen. She clearly has a supply of Fashion Fair make up left over from 1985. Raise your hand if your mother every wore “Cherries Jubilee” ha! Anyway, the lady hates everyone that works there. She likes the outsiders that come. I’ve seen her get into a shouting match with one of the foster grandmothers who said she didn’t like her meatloaf. The next day she was making petty comments to her like “oh well I hope you like the soup better than the meatloaf” See stuff like that is why there are you tube videos of old ladies outside of church fighting. She’s just mean and surly. When outside customers come in she’s like “hi how you doing I got some good corn bread today, oh you going to like this”. When she gets to me she says, “What you having” *straight face* I’m a good wholesome catholic school girl so I greet her appropriately. She doesn’t even say hello back just bats her Tammy Faye’s at me keeping her mouth stiff and unwavering like the Grinch Who Stole Lunch! God forbid you name the food wrong. I saw a coworker say “can I have the steak” and she said “Its country fried steak I don’t see no steak up here” now was all that necessary? One day someone is going to crank it with her and I can’t wait. I say a small prayer when I go in there because I don’t want to be the one to snatch an old lady’s throat out. She’s going to take me there though yall! And the first thing I’m going to do is tell her to stop putting gravy on leftover chicken and calling it “smothered Cornish hens”!!!


Later,

Lunch Bag Lady