Letting Go

Deciding to let go of someone can be one of the most heart wrenching things you’ll ever do, depending on the circumstances surrounding the demise of the relationship. We become so accustomed to this person always being there, a phone call, email or text away. We look forward to talking to them as soon as we wake up and right before we go to bed. They are with us when we feel no one else is; when we feel like the entire world is against us; when we are hopeless. The most difficult thing about letting go of a person of this magnitude is that you are going through something and you don’t have them. It’s weird but true. We find ourselves having to re-learn how to do even the most mundane things without them. Not because we could'nt do it on our own, but because there was pleasure in sharing the responsibility with them.

When love is involved deciding to let go turns into a whole other beast. In you’re your mind you can’t go back to a time that you didn’t know that person. You can’t remember what it is like to be with another person. You feel like they were the best lover, kisser, cook, story teller, foot rubber you name it. To have another person touch you or approach you in the same way that they once did makes you cringe.

It is a shocking slap in the face when the person you have absorbed yourself with for so long, let’s you down. They let you down, the friendship down, the relationship down. We expect them to be the ones that protect us, but instead life deals us a hand we can’t beat. We feel like they never liked, cared for or loved us. How could you do this to me? What were you thinking? What am I supposed to do? Why are you treating me like this? Cliché questions with no clear and definite answers…..

We may not feel like it at first, and maybe won’t feel it for a long time but we can live without someone. Now, we may not want to, or it may be difficult but we can. People die and leave loved ones everyday. People divorce, go to war, go to school across country etc. everyday. But in that initial moment when our world comes crashing down around us, in your mind you can’t let go. You can’t go on. You can’t live. You don’t want to live. You start thinking that you are the only one who has ever gone through a situation like this. Regardless of every sad, depressing, suicidal love song you’ve ever heard, you are the first person to have a broken heart.
We can get ourselves out of any situation and let go. Will was giving to us freely; we just have to be strong enough to make that choice for no one else but ourselves. No matter how difficult, no matter what kind of mess we leave behind, no matter what people say, we can let go and be alright. . . .eventually . . .one day.

Because I love you, I can do what is best for us both, and let you go, so you can let me go. Live well.

EXPECTATIONS

To make an expectation of somewhat is to hold them up to a standard you have set forth which you “expect” them to meet. Stevie Wonder said, “You can't base your life on other people's expectations”. I think that a great deal of the stress we encounter in life is due to us trying to, consciously or subconsciously, trying to meet the expectations of others.
I was out with a very close friend/relative the other night, discussing some of the issues I’ve been having in my life. And she brought up a great point. She said “You expect more of her than what she is capable or doing or being as a friend”. I understood right off what she meant. We sometimes confuse the years we’ve known a person with what we should expect from them. The higher the expectation you place on a particular person, the greater the disappointment you are bound to get.
Some of us have based our life on what others expect us to do. My father is a lawyer and when I told people that I was going to school to be a speech-language pathologist, right off they said “Oh I thought you would be a lawyer just like your father”. Now granted, I’d make one hell of a prosecutor! But, law isn’t my bag ;) You can only be what you want to be, not what others expect you to be.
I will admit that I am notorious for placing expectations on certain friends of mine, and I’ve come to realize that this is an unfair burden. Life reveals to us that the type of friend, lover, associate you are to a person is not indicative and does not mean that person will be the same to you. It seems as if the ones you do the most for or are there the most for are the ones least around for you. So when do we get to the point where we alleviate these unjust expectations and “let them go” so to speak? If I don’t expect you to call and check on me when I’m sick then I won’t be disappointed when you don’t. If I don’t expect you not to lie to me, then I won’t be disappointed when you do.
Don’t get me wrong, there is accountability in every relationship. However, we have to be wise in our decisions to decipher who it is in our lives that we can truly depend on.

P.S. I EXPECT you guys to leave comments on my blogs!!!


Don’t hurt your back!

-Baglady

Decisions, Sacrifices and Outcomes

Tennessee Governor Phil Bredesen said, “The consequences of decisions don’t just affect spreadsheets…they affect, in fundamental ways, the lives of people and they often mean the difference between life and death. As we grow older, our decisions become harder and more complicated, coupled with the sacrifices and outcomes that follow that decision.
Our decisions go from only affection our lives to affecting the lives of our friends, families, associates and colleagues. Human nature cause the decision making process to be a selfish one, yielding unforeseen sacrifices and disastrous outcomes. Many of us have heard the term “you don’t believe shit stinks until you smell it”…well it’s the same thing when we make a selfish decision that negatively impacts others. If I decide to stay home from work one day just to shoot the breeze, there will be children left without a therapist for that day. If my dog decides to go to the bathroom in the house instead of asking to go out, he is prepared for reprimanding. I watched a movie a few weeks ago, a British romance comedy called “Imagine You and Me”. It was about a new bride who fell in love with the florist from her wedding. She had been with her bride-groom for years, families involved with each other; he was like an old shoe for her. But she could not shake the feelings she was having for the florist (who by the way was a woman, and this woman was not previously a lesbian). Well, she chose to stay with her husband, although she longed for this new feeling, this new person she connected with on so many levels. There had been no physical relationship between the two, just a strong indescribable connection, mutual admiration, and a quiet sense of comfort. Eventually her husband detected her split attention, began to withdraw and set her free. She went on to stop her “new love” from leaving town and they lived happily ever after. Sound cliché? It should. But there were consequences associated with her decision. She hurt someone very close to her. She disappointed her family. She risked public humiliation by choosing a same sex relationship. By staying, she would have ultimately made her husband miserable. Knowing that the person you want has feelings for another that cannot be controlled is like trying to swallow a pill the size of a golf ball. Being with someone and longing for another, yields a bland life full of what ifs.
Sometime we tend to have our decisions lean towards what is easier, simpler, and more effective to cope with. We have lost our zest for jumping out on a limb and doing what will give us permanent happiness. We gawk at older people who at age 80 have gone back to get their college degree. Our jaws drop when we see a person tired of living in a body that they don’t feel they belong in, and go from being Mary to Martin. We discourage our son who wants to be a nurse instead of a doctor, or a fashion designer. Sometimes the biggest sacrifice we make for an easier (or more practical) decision is our own long term happiness. It takes a strong person, to make a hard decision.

CAPTION THIS PICTURE Vol 1:

I'm gonna let you guys have a ball with this one. I am over here laughing hysterically and it can't just be this Moscato! What is wrong with people this is so funny...please leave great captions!!


BagLady