My baby got sick today

My baby beagle boy got sick today and scared the hell out of his mama. I was on my way to work and late as usual. Dallas was napping on the couch and I picked him up to put him in his cage as usual.
When I put him in the cage to leave it sounded like he was messing around with his blanket., but the sound was nuts like he was running in circles. I opened the cage and he was running around to one side. Clearly it a seizure. He stopped and vomited. Then layed there for a second. As he was crawling over to me, he had another one. I just held him to the ground until it was over. His eyes were fully dilated and he had a blank stare.
After about five minutes he was back to normal and looking at me like I was a nut. So of course I’m hysterical. I was snotting up doing the ugly cry. I called everyone I could think of: Daddy, Uncle Rock, sister, brother, Tab, Nikkiluv, DenyseG, Pope Benedict, Dalai Lama, Barrack Obama (he was busy), Al Sharpton I mean anyone. Finally Tab was able to make out what I was saying through snot and tears. She located the nearest animal hospital, played hookie from work and came to get the Beagle and the Bag Lady.
When we got there they took Dallas straight to the back and said, “We got a triage coming through”. I was weak at the knees! Then the fool asked me what kind of dog he was. I started to say “German Shepherd”, I mean clearly he is a beautiful strong tri colored beagle!
We watched through the window as they wrestled him down to put a catheter in his leg to do blood work. I looked and this man had his whole body on him holding him down and Dallas was shaking, probably terrified. The Dr said it could be early onset of Epilepsy, could be that he got into some kind of toxin…Pesticide, chemicals, poisonings etc. (Highly Likely) or it could be a problem with another organ in his body.

I made the grand mistake of asking if I could see him before I left him there for a few hours so they could observe him. He was in a cage with an upside down lampshade on his head! Oh no not my baby! They didn’t want him to pull out the catheter in his leg. Tab stood back but I went to let him sniff my hands and know I was there. As we were leaving from the back he watched us like a hawk. When the door closed he howled and so did his mama. Yes I did it. I did the church lady yell and said “OH MY GOOOOODDD”. Everything in the hospital came to a screeching halt. The Dr asked was everything okay and Tab assured him it was. Then she reminded me that Dallas always howls when I leave lol.

I was drunk by 3 pm waiting for the call. I had taken so many Rum shots I was incoherently reporting to all of those concerned about how he was doing. My nerves were torn up! You know you always think nothing bad will ever happen and this was so sudden. I got scared thinking what would have happened if I was actually on time for work. I would have never known he had one. I had upset all of my friends and family by this point also. I had one girlfriend crying at her desk at work. I felt so bad but good that he has touched so many lives. He really is an awesome dog and I hated seeing him sick even if it was only for a few minutes.

Well, good news is great news! His blood work came back normal and I just have to watch him for any further seizure activity. He didn’t have another one today so that was good. I will be watching him like how we are watching these gas prices go up! Dallas was a trooper today, can’t say that much for his mama. I don’t know what I would have done if Tab wasn’t there. I would probably have been laid out at the animal hospital by his cage with a sheet over me. Just dramatic what is wrong with me? I have to laugh at myself. I’m sure if Dallas could laugh he would be too.

Bag Lady aka Rum Runner

Handbag of the Week!! 4-30-08

Chanel's Large Hobo Bag in Satin from their 2008 Cruise line..
I like it better in that Ombre' color Kim has.

Kim's Version which is Ombre' Patent Degrade is $1595
The Blue Satin is $1795

Always bet on Black!

Today is that day that Wesley Snipes a.k.a Nino Brown a.k.a Blade I, II, and Trinity, Passenger 57 was convicted of tax evasion. Three years. It is beyond me why he couldn’t pay his taxes from 1999-2001. He has more money than me and I pay mine! I know he has the money he was the only black action hero from 1990-2000, approximately. Wesley Snipes could play ball, sell drugs, run from the U.S. Marshalls with his feet shackled together, and fight new age vampires, but nobody prepared him for the ass whipping the I.R.S. gave him. They are like rogue renegade psycho detectives. They find everyone. I bet the I.R.S. still got Tupac and Jimmy Hoffa paying taxes. Even Chuck Norris can’t beat the I.R.S. And Wesley thought that if wore a nice dark blue pin stripped suit to court he would get probation. If they put Ronald Isley in jail at the age of 123, then I know goodness well it’s a wrap for Wesley.



I used to have a major crush on Wesley as Nino Brown. I was always into dark chocolate when the Al B Sures were still popular. I was in love right up until the 2nd half of the movie when he got a haircut that looked like the skyline of NYC. The love affair came to an abrupt halt. I was also digging him as Franklin in Disappearing Acts. All I’m going to say is: THE LOVE SCENE. The first movie that I ever saw Wesley in was a baseball movie. His name was Willie Mays Hayes. *snicker*. Hair still looked like it was cut with a brick.

Wesley should have done the remake of Penitentiary in order to prepare for this 3 year stint he is about to pull. I think he could have learned some survivor skills. I know Wesley looks huge on T.V. but he’s is all of 5’7. I think don’t quote me, but he isn’t real tall. Some big burly corn fed Negro named Big OG double OG is going to have Wesley folding his clothes. I think me even typing that was blasphemous. How are you going to punk Blade out? He’s going to go in as Nino and come out as Nina. Oh wait, maybe as Noxzema Jackson, the transsexual he played in Too Wong Fu.

I don’t know why this all amuses me so much. I think it’s because Wesley is so cocky. I bet he wore a pinky ring to court too. He shoulda went in there with his Blade Trinity costume on, that would have scared the hell out of everyone. Except the I.R.S.

See ya when you get out Nino!


Bag Lady

Handbag of the Week! 4/22/08

Unleash your Inner Artist..

Fendi's "Paint-Your-Own" Baguette

For only a measly $1300 you can have your very own Fendi Baguette designed by none other than YOU!

This cute lil coated canvas baguette comes equipped with ten pantone universal markers for you to get your Monet on.

Cute, huh?

Male + Groupie =

MOUPIES.


Definition: A male or pseudo-male incorrigibly attracted to the lights, camera, and Hollywood of another male or pseudo-male, particularly one of perceived celebrity status.

Hello. This blog entry will be petty. Anyway, I would like to discuss what a friend of mine coined as the “Moupie Phenomenon”. A Moupie, is as previously defined, a male whom for all intents and purposes jocks the hell out of another dude. Typically you find moupies in clubs. They are usually the one standing shoulder to shoulder with the “hype man” or the promoters for the night, but they don’t know them. They may be standing in the front of the club with the promoter pretending like they are checking IDs. The most notorious moupies are in the DJ booth. What do they do? Well nothing really. The goal for the night is to bask in the glow of the “host male” (get it? Parasite? Host?).

Last night I was out at an unnamed club with a group of people who will also remain nameless. Here comes a Moupie. He stood so close to me that I could feel the heat from his body. He put his body between me and the “host male”. Every time the “host male” leaned over to say something to me the Moupie leaned in to hear. I asked the host male if he knew this particular Moupie and he didn’t. If the host male danced with a girl, as soon as he left the Moupie went to dance with her. Do you see where I’m going with this? To utilize my DC lingo, bammas is jive pressed young, trying to slide in next to folks like they are the 5th member of Jodeci. I mean seriously. I had the straight face for him all night. Okay if I go on any more, I will begin got get personal. Instead I will help you guys weed yourselves out. If you fit more than half of these criterions please re-adjust your life for the sake of humanity. You my friend are a Moupie if:

1. The table you are sitting at taking pictures isn’t yours, your boys, your cousins. Matter of fact you came to the club alone buddy.
2. You are in 349 of 350 pictures from the club website. Oh no you not posing in all of them. You look like the chick from the GRUDGE. Remember they had all those pictures and you could see a glimpse of her in each one?
That’s you!!!


3. You get into a shoving match with a group of females because you can’t get to VIP.
4. The promoters trying to count money or talk business and here you go trying to have a conversation. They don’t know you but you are a customer so they are humoring you. They are talking amongst themselves and you keep tapping. Hey guess what don’t tap another grown ass man on the shoulder just don’t do that. As a matter of fact don’t tap me either!
5. You were crying at the Jay Z concert.
6. You follow the “host male” to the bathroom.
7. Dude is on the mic and you tapping him to get his attention. He turns to you; you reach out your hand and dap him up. Are you serious?
8. You’re in the DJ booth and you don’t have a mic in your hand, you are not behind turn tables. You are not providing a mix of old and new school hip hop. The DJ only knows you because you are always in the DJ booth.
9. You are standing on the sofa hollering out another dude’s name.
10. You are reading this and getting in your feelings.


Im sure some of all of you reading can give me a list of names. Do what you do and CALL EM OUT. No just jokes this is a friendly blog no blasting here. But I mean really pull your boots up fellas. There are enough female groupies we don’t need males too!


Beach Bag Lady (See ya when I get back from Florida!)

O-M-G! Louis Vuitton now reps BROOKLYN!!

This is SO exciting!
First off! I wanna know what you gals think of one of the new prints issued from the latest collabo betwix LV's Artistic Director, Marc Jacobs and Takashi Murakami.... Monogramouflage ( yeah try saying that 10 times fast!), like I said this is just one of the new Limited Edition Canvasses... You likey?




Now moving on to like the BESTEST news of my LIFE!
Louis Vuitton has opened a store at the Brooklyn Museum! The store will house several Monogram Multicolor products as well as the new Monogramouflage canvas! More than 90 more works by Murakami will also be on display from April 5 through July 13, 2008. The New Monogramouflage Canvas will include luggage, hangbags, small leather goods, costume jewelry and ready to wear and will launch at the Brooklyn Museum on June 1st, then at selected stores worldwide on June 15!



Bout Time for a ROADTRIP!



DenyseG.

Handbag of the Week! 4-16-08

Picture it! About a month or two ago chatting on yahoo messenger with Baglady and in betwix messages about her hectic day then coming home to find Dallas (the greatest dog in the world) had escaped his cage and reaked major HAVOK in the Living Room Urea or before she walked in the door Meatball Jenkins down the hall was having yet another cellphone conversation on YELL so the whole building can hear about her greasy sex life, I was getting some online browsing done. Ya know, my usual handbag hotspots Nordstroms, Saks, Neimans... and then.. Lord, I hit the Eluxury page!! Im telling you time stopped! I BUZZED!! then typed, "Girl drop everything!! and go to ELUXURY STAT!!!" and there it was.. on the home page.. the baddest bag ever made..




Grabbed my Chest Region because my FLYSHOCK flared up! You know when you see something or someone so FLY, make your heart do the soulja boy thats FLYSHOCK, (like ole boy in the blog below, wooo! dude is certified VICIOUS!) but anywho...

Dior's Gaucho Crocodile Stamped Patent Leavuh Bag
Patent Lambskin Link Trim
Silvuh Metal Hardware
Double-Zipped Top Closure
Dior Logo Textile Lining
Birthed in Italy!
Girllll...

See this is a "GATDAYUM!" bag cause its basically what I said when I saw it!

Now I know many of you have seen Badlady say "Push Diva!" in reference to certain bags , that is a bag that is so FLY you would not SPEAK a word to bout 6 or 7 of your closest most dearest friends for about a month! Like you never met'em. You'd seriously be like "Uhhh, Do I know you?! *hairflip*" then point down to the bag afterwards.
Nothing else matters in space and time but you and this bag!
God himself made this bag! But dammit MAN priced it!
Cause this sum-mama-bitch is $2,550.00 !

PUSH DIVA!!!!

DenyseG.

Saturday Night at Olives

Last night the crew and I decided to put on some real clothes and head out to Olives. Olives is a restaurant owned by the fabulous Todd English. It is located at 1600 K Street in the District. Once a month some promoter friends of mine throw a party there on a Saturday night. It is definitely a grown and sexy affair. It would behoove you to dress like you have sense when you go. Last night it was Rashad’s “Ra Ra” birthday party. We knew going into this event that it would be high class dressed up ignorance. But the good ignorance, the kind you sit back and laugh about how much fun you had.

I’m going to call her name out since that is what I do. Tabia and I started drinking about 5:30 over cold stone creamery, chips and left over Papa John’s pizza. We figured since we already had out designated driver set up (Waiving to Danielle) we could really get it in. Fortunately we didn’t get drunk enough to not put our clothes on. I’ll tell you this, we clean up pretty darn well if I say so myself. I was impressed but not surprised at how sexy we all were. So sexy that we neglected to take pictures before we left 

We got to Olives fashionably late at 12:15 a.m. I hear that Ra Ra showed up in this with VIOLINISTS!!!!It was packed as expected. They held the line as expected. It was freezing cold which was not expected. Friends, Bag Lady hates the cold. It turns me into some kind of wild boar witch. I had to curb my tongue so that we would not be asked to pick out car out of valet a bit earlier. Telling us that the cover was $40 didn’t make it that much better. Highway robbery! But we took way too much time getting ready to turn around. I blew a goodbye kiss to 2 $20 bills and made my way inside.

I don’t think we were inside 10 minutes before I was ready to forget that I was a damn near 30 year old woman with 2 college degrees, good home training and above average intelligence. Some bald headed jerk decided that it would be a good idea to “Ruff it off” (go go dance) with a full glass of liquor. He spilled it all over Danielle’s back. I reached for my right leopard pump. He even got it on the girl that was next to him. He didn’t apologize, offer to wipe it off, nothing just looked. If I find out what his name is, I'm going to put him on blast trust! So I got some napkins, wiped her off, ball them up and threw them at him 

I cussed about that for the next 10 minutes. Then we made our way into the abyss. We walked through what seemed like millions and millions of well dressed black folks. I felt like we were in 1920’s Harlem at the Cotton Club. That’s one thing black folks know how to do, and that’s dress! We made our way to where the birthday boy was. After failed attempts and getting security to let us in VIP, we got Ra to motion for us to come in. I stuck my tongue out at the bouncer.



Ra and I always go back and forth teasing each other about how in love we are. Just jokes please no hate mail. My usual first greeting to him on google chat is a line from a love song, a heart or just saying “good morning love of my life”. It’s La Costra Nostra. Our thing. So immediately when I saw him I said “I am so in love right now….” He agreed. But there were way too many fine men in there to be focused on one. My gracious I hope they weren’t just visiting. Maybe I’ve seen them all the time and it’s the suits that made them more eye catching. Whatever it was I loved it.

After two classes of Moet from Nikiluv, I had forgotten I had a dress on. I am the worst drunk. Completely flirtatious, well like even more than usual. I go from friendly hugs to cheek kisses. I hear that I almost kissed my buddy “ENZO” in the mouth when I went to hug him. That may have been my subconscious behaving badly.
So who else did I see…Oh Charlie was there in the corner hiding. I knew he was there because well I always know where Charlie is. I ended my night catching up with him. We probably argued for a bit because that’s how we do. I probably kissed him 35 times on the cheek. After the Champaign the rest was an out of body experience. My crew had to come inside to get me after valet bought the car around. I was still having too much fun.

All in all the night went from sour grapes to fine “Olives”. You liked that play on words huh? I actually do love olives and I can eat them right out of the jar. It felt so good to be in a place with good folks, dressed well and behaving as if grandma was watching with a switch. I will definitely be attending the monthly events promoted there; I’m already shopping for my next dress. If you were there tell please leave a comment on your experience, I'm sure it was a great one!





Clutch Bag Lady

Hangovers From Hell Support Group

Hey Everyone!

I responded to BadLady's Hangover Blog and it seems to have generated quite a buzz so....we figured that I should post it as a new Blog to see how creative ya'll are!

For those that didn't know, BadLady's Hangover Blog was her crying out for help and I feel that we should form a support group for her! We will be posting our weekly alcoholic escapades...hopefully not too many hangovers! But FIRST we need to establish the rules of our support group.

As Founder of the Hangovers from Hell Support Group, I have taken the liberty of providing the 1st 4 rules....

Here are the RULES:

One drink a day will keep the haters away!
Drink Two and no matter the problem...you will get through
Drink Three if you want to be worry free!
Drink Four and keep your girls close by so U won't wake up the next morning feeling like a whore! (WTF...who the hell is this in my bed)

LMAO! Ok so I started the ball rolling so ya'll add the additional rules that you feel are necessary!!

--Rivet

Handbag of the Week! 4/10/08

Hi All!

I have been asked by the lovely author of this blog to do a feature "Handbag of the Week!"..so every week as long as its humanly possible for me to do, I will feature a leather, canvas, oversized, monogram, pebble grained, black, brown, red, green, silver, gold, bamboo handle, rope handle, exotic printed, snake skinned overly indulgent gift from the GODS in form of pure handbag fierceness!! Yes! Most of these handbags will be ridiculously expensive and I will be price pointing many of them but on the other hand many of the features may be well within your budget! Just remember its all in good fun! However, I will like to post a disclaimer, I will not be held responsible for any rent/mortgage purse purchases. I dont know about yall but I cant live out my LV speedy.


Now with all that out of the way, lets get our Lyndsey Lohan on, shall we?





Look at these two, they bad as hell ain't they?

This is from Prada's Winter '08 line.
Embossed Leather Medium Bowler Bag
Prada always impresses me, these bags are beyond Gorgeous!!
as shown above this piece of heaven comes in a bad ass Black and a smooth dark brown both with brushed goldtone hardware.
14'' double handles with double buckle strap and a detachable double buckle shoulder strap!
Zip top closure with optional combination lock.
The shape of this bag is perfect for everyday use, straight from the office to dinner or maybe the club, also perfect for traveling. If you're like me and like to walk around with what I like refer to as Arm Luggage it also comes in a LARGE size in both tones.
Retail value: 2,195.00
but its on sale right now on bluefly.com for 1,756.00

Enjoy!
DenyseG.

*** Please be advised this bag will conjure a bit of hateration in the form of dirty looks and the sucking of teeth from others of the female species. No worries ladies, there is plenty of room in the inner pocket for a shank and mace.***

Jay Z and Mary J come to DC

JAY Z and MARY come to Washington D.C.

Today, Jay Z and Mary J Blige performed at the Verizon Center. This is one of if not the biggest show to come to DC in a long time. They are two of the biggest names in the industry with the most longstanding representations and equally loyal fan base. They never disappoint us with their musical treats and keep us anticipating the next hot single. I’m sure Jay put on a great show especially since he is 1 day post marriage (so they are saying right?) and Mary J just bought a huge 4 million dollar home! What more could they ask for at this point in the game.

With celebrity names come chicken heads, groupies, and amateur paparazzi. I bet you yesterday the lines in DTLR, LEVEL X, Footlocker and Baker’s was like first 100 people free at the club. Everybody, male and female trying to look the best they can for Jay. I say Jay cause Mary brings a more mature and relaxed crowd. My ex and I went to see her a few years ago and had a blast…NO DRAMA for real. But Jay? I’m not too sure. See Jay left the thug world behind but he still speaks to it. He gets these fools hyped up about pushing kilos and spilling Dom P when he is sitting in a bathtub full of bubbles right now enjoying the fruits of his labor. The JayZ-ites kill me. It’s like Night of the Living Dead. If Jay Z says that toilet paper stuck to your Air Force One’s is what’s hot then Scott, Cottonelle and Charmin are going out of business and we will have a huge littering problem. I will say that I appreciate him starting the whole “button down” phase. I love you Jay. How many fools did you see walking around with half of your shirt on and the other half off? Hey guess what? Armadale Vodka doesn’t taste any different than the other 100 brands of Vodka. The man speaks things into existence it’s quite scary!

Well I didn’t have the opportunity to attend this landmark event, but I have a very close friend who did. I like to refer to him as my eyes and ears on the street. If I missed it he didn’t, and vice versa. Not only is he going to give me details but they are going to be vivid enough for me to feel like I was front and center myself. We will dub him for all intents and purposes and for protection of my sources, “Charlie” (get it? Charlie's Angels? ha!). Charlie and I had a convo a few weeks ago about the nonsense that was going to occur before, during and after this show. Sometimes it’s like DC never has events. Reminds me of Richmond, VA! I’m sure the city got turned out and the ignorance prevailed. I wonder how many girls were trampled by herds of guys in button ups, Yankee fitted, air force ones and diamond studs. I would take my heel off and beat a dude to death see that is why I stay home; the lord knows I’m not well! Anyway, let’s hear what Charlie has to say.

“......But like i said, when Jay come out......The Bitch come out. Not a thug bone in a nukka was present when jay hit the stage. Dudes was singing "excuse me.....". At the top of their lungs......and almost on bending knee when he dropped "I Know".......go figure.

......It was almost unfair to the crowd, Mary taking all the woman on any emotional rollercoaster.....ppl so caught up as if it was just them and Mary in the entire Bldg......taking them from "You dont have to worry". All thru " my life is just fine". Followed by the nights Headliner coming out to ear popping screams.......Lets Go.... "roc Boys in the bldg tonight......" But one would have truly had to be in the bldg to remotely understand the emotions, excitement and Love these Fans had for Jay & Mary........hey”

Well overall it sounds like everyone had a good time. Maybe I’ll take advantage of the next opportunity to see the almighty Jigga. I have had the pleasure of seeing Mary and she put on one hell of a show. I heard that Dream opened up but people were mostly getting food and liquor and chit chatting during that performance …ha!



Until the next big show,

Bag Lady featuring "Charlie"

*pulling down my Yankee fitted*

“Dear God, If you let me live through this I promise I will NEVER drink again”

“Dear God, If you let me live through this I promise I will NEVER drink again”


That seems to be the mantra heard on Saturday and Sunday (and Wednesday, Thursday or Friday mornings if you live in the DC area) around the world. Many of us have awakened to a head spinning like a 50lbs bowling ball, your stomach doing back flips and overall feelings of ickiehood. All day long you pray and pray not to throw up again. You take as many Tylenol as you can without accidental suicide and to no avail, you can not shake that headache. You try to drink water but the thought of something going in your mouth makes more stuff want to come out. You have a hangover.

Even the most savvy and well composed drinkers fall victim to the hangover. In some situations it can’t be avoided. In most we bring it upon ourselves. See after the first 3-8 shots everything sounds like a good idea. This includes different liquors, Champaign, red bulls the works. Your drunken nature is thinking “hey what the hell lets make this room spin a little bit faster weeeeeeee”. The point in which we should stop is when the liquor doesn’t have a taste. That’s because you have anesthetized your entire oral cavity. You could drink ammonia and not taste it. (Do NOT try this at home).

After we step foot out of the establishment that set us up, the drunken mind says. “Let’s eat!” Well this is what you should have done before the 8 shots. So now we are at IHOP, The Diner, Waffle House, or Ooh and Ahhs piling greasy but great food on top of liquor. It sounds like a science project being conducted in your stomach by 4th graders. Dry toast would be the smart thing to eat, but it doesn’t taste as good as French toast and eggs. Oh we are just having a grand ole time eating and laughing and being drunk and disorderly in a public establishment. Then comes the dreaded ride home.

By this time the pot is brewing, and I’m not talking about your grandma’s gumbo. The mixture of food, liquor, red bull and ammonia in your belly. Instead of a large wooden handled spoon stirring it up, you are inside of a blender called a car. With each right and left turn the pot gets stirred more and more. You put your hand up to cover your mouth but it doesn’t work. Don’t be embarrassed. Every passenger in that car is stewing as well. If the Lord favors the owner of the vehicle you will not blow chunks in their car. Instead you will manage to wait until you are dropped off and round one of the end of a night to remember will begin. I hope a bird family didn’t live in that bush!

Here is the part where I’m going to tell on myself. Let me take you back to about 2 weeks ago. I went to a birthday party and had 4-5 cups of mixed motor oil basically. The only thing I remember about the car ride home (not driving FYI) is that instead of 2 double lines there were about 8. I do remember pulling up in my yard. And that was it. The next morning I woke up and my room smelled like Fabulouso. I was in a raggedy t-shirt that looked like it was used to dust. (Black folks you know how we do don’t front). I woke up one eye at a time because it took too much strength to do two. My hair was tied up with a scarf on it. I smelled very clean. For a second I didn’t think I was in my own body. It was Easter Sunday (yeah I know) and my niece was there, so I’m thinking I need to get her basket out of my car. I throw on some sweats and by the time I get to the dining room table I see the basket already there. I’m confused now. I say well I need to get her dress out of the car. The dress is in the chair next to the basket. My face has little read busted blood vessels all over it, a calling card for a vomiting fit. There is a half full bottle of water on my nightstand. Now I could insult your intelligence and tell you how all of these things transpired or I could let you relate it to your own experience and figure it out. I amaze myself. Your subconscious can truly take over. Needless to say I said the mantra about 75 times that day. I didnt get right until late that night.

Today my boy G described his hangover by saying “my head is about to come up off my shoulders”. I think that about sums it up.

Drink Responsibly (Tee hee hee)

Bag Lady

Living beyond your JEANS

*sigh*

It pains my soul to even have to address this issue in 2008. I am so tired of seeing fat ashy lower back rolls and muffin tops. This disease transcends race, gender and religious affiliation. I really and honestly don't get it. There is now way that 6 inches of body showing below your shirt is comfortable for you. I find myself pulling my shirt down and re-adjusting my jeans often in order for that not to happen. The biggest problem is this. YOUR CLOTHES ARE TOO SMALL. If you buy the jeans in your size 1/8 of your body will not be exposed. If you have huge breasts with even bigger belly rolls then a "baby tee" is not your smartest choice.

I don't mean to come off rude and I am a sister with "size" myself. I know I got a lotta junk in the trunk and I keep it all in the trunk! There is nothing cute about the crack of your ass on display. Excuse my french but this is frustrating. I just don't see how it can possibly be comfortable!

I remember when I used to watch the Isaac Mizrahi show on Style channel. He was talking about clothing styles, cut and fit, and he made the comment that "nobody knows what the size on your tag is". That is so true! So why not get the size that makes you look fabulous and not like a popped can of biscuits.

That's all for now...pull your shirt down and your pants up

BagLady

Scared

I am one of the strange breeds of people that like to watch scary movies, but are deathly afraid of them. As a matter of fact I’m sometimes afraid of my own reflection right Denyse? LOL. As a child my parents foolishly let us watch all kinds of scary movies from Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th. The long lasting result has been me having a debilitating fear of clowns as well as open closets and other doors in the house while I’m sleeping.
I remember a group of friends from grad school decided that it would be a great idea to go and see Texas Chainsaw Massacre on Halloween night. Brilliant huh? I think I still have my friend Kelly’s fingerprints in the fat meat of my arm. At one point I didn’t even know who was screaming. Was it me, one of my girls or the woman being sawed apart on the screen? The great thing about your girl Bag Lady is that I am what I will coin “an anticipatory screamer”. Meaning I don’t scream when something actually happens, the anxiety builds up so much that I scream BEFORE it happens. (I’m sure Denyse will have a funny comment to back this up). Anyway, that was a night I will never forget. My imagination completely took over and I kept imagining walking down the street in Georgetown and all of a sudden hearing a chainsaw starting up with a fool wearing someone else’s face on his running through a crowd of screaming college students! Does that really happen? I’d like to send Leather face up there with the youngins in the Petworth area!
I set my friend Tabby up all the time. When I get scary movies on Netflix I texted her to alert that we need a movie night. I typically do this with scary movies because hey the only one I have to protect me is a tri-colored beagle who is afraid of the vacuum. We tend to get quiet animated with screams including body contortions and blankets over our heads.
A few weeks ago after an all night Big Brother After Dark viewing, I couldn’t sleep so I convinced Nikiluv to watch SAWIII with me. She had never seen it. From 3:00 am to 5:30 am between jumps, screams, running down the hall, hiding under my throw blanket and turning the volume down, I tried to think of ways that I would get out of one of Jigsaw’s “puzzles” so to speak. So if I happen to be suspended in mid air in chains with my head in a box of razors how would I get out? I’ve already given up the hope of holding my breath until I die because I would only pass out and start breathing again.
One last one. The Ring. I’m telling you right now I wont even allow that DVD to stay in my home over night. The night I saw that I slept in the living room with my TV on cartoons and I was like if that Samara chick comes out of my TV tonight I'm going to throw my slippers at her. Can you believe that movie? I mean she really scared people to DEATH. Talking about sleeping with one eye open. One Thanksgiving my whole family decided to watch it. Grandma, dad, brother, uncle the whole crew. So right at the point where the video goes off and we are waiting for the phone to ring, my simple brother decided to call the house from his cell phone. You would have thought the rapture had come the way we all screamed and huffed and puffed. My father had a long string of obscenities for him after that one!

I’m sure I’m not the only chicken in our little blog world, please share your stories. I’m sure a few of you would like to chime in on some of mine!

Bag Lady